(from the Daily Telegraph, 25 July) "A Painter and decorator who lit a cigarette in his van, while on an errand to buy tea bags for his wife has been fined £30 for smoking in his "workplace". Mr Gordon Williams, who smokes only 10 cigarettes a day, said "I only use it to get from one place to another. I decorate houses, not vans". Nonetheless, the Council ruled that it was his workplace, even though the van is unmarked and insured only for private use, and is shared with his wife, who does not work. The Council claimed "there are very few exemptions to the smoking ban.". You bet!

These absurd control freaks should all be put in village stocks and pelted with ashtrays, cheeseburgers, chips, bacon, hambones, salami, beer cans and wine bottles!

Then thrown on a banned bonfire!

The health of the nation depends on it!

Light up and scroll down
Forget that this "British sailor" collaborated with her captors and grovelled at their feet, was stupid and incompetent, spineless and snivelling, made her country an international laughing stock and then was allowed to profit by it to the tune of £100,000 ... her sin , according to the Government Health Secretary, Patricia Hewitt, was to be seen smoking! About this ghastly health harpy Hewitt, Telegraph columnist Andrew Pierce wrote (16/2/08) : 'Do you remember Hewitt's thoughtful response to the national outry over the illegal detention of our Servicemen captured on the high seas by the Iranian military? Not moral indignation at the craven kowtowing of the British Servicemen to the Iranians. Or even concern over why they were able to be captured in the first place. No. Nanny Hewitt made a memorable observation about the only British Servicewoman who was held in captivity: "It was deplorable that a woman hostage should be shown smoking. This sends completely the wrong message".'

Hewitt is now gone*, thank heavens, but the Prime Minister has a goodly supply of smug control-freaks to step into her shoes to continue the ludicrous topsy-turvy priorities of the present British Government. [viz. Health Harpy Caroline Flint, Health Commissar Sir Liam "little caesar" Donaldson, etc.]

Was Mr Bean, the blubbing sailor, a victim of passive smoking?

Seaman Arthur Batchelor a.k.a. Mr Bean the blubber, told the media (also for money) that during the short spell he was detained by the Iranian Government, he cwied and cwied himself to sleep every night on the shoulder of his in locum mummy, the whimpering suet pudding Faye Turney. In Batchelor's words: "I RAN UP TO HER. THREW MY ARMS AROUND HER AND CRIED LIKE A BABY". It says on packets of cigarettes not to smoke in front of children. Did she disobey and puff away while his tear-sodden head lay on her shoulder? Has this twenty-year-old big girl's blouse been poisoned by Turney's secondary smoke? Oh, God we hope not. We depend on strong brave professionals like this pair to defend Queen, country and the Western world.

STOP PRESS: There have been recent reports of angry rumblings, gnashings, turnings and thrashings in St. Paul's Cathedral, in the vicinity of the tomb of Lord Horatio Nelson.

*Nanny Hewitt is now pegged to get a cushy £200,000 a year job with the EC in Brussels - that gravy train for failed and incompetent politicians.

 Do you remember when tolerance, sense of fair play and compromise used to be considered essential characteristics of the British?

India retains the "courtesy of choice" its erstwhile rulers have abandoned.

below, a welcome to the smoking areas of the dining room at the Taj Residency hotel in Lucknow

V.E. ANNIVERSARY QUIZ: Can you spot which wartime leader was fanatically opposed to smoking?


He's the only one who would today feel at home in America and Great Britain


"GERMANY had the world's strongest anti-smoking movement in the 1930s and early 1940s, encompassing bans on smoking in public spaces. Many Nazi leaders were vocal opponents of smoking. Anti-tobacco activists pointed out that whereas Churchill, Stalin, and Roosevelt were all fond of tobacco, the three major fascist leaders of Europe - Hitler, Mussolini, and Franco - were all non-smokers. Hitler was the most adamant. At one point the Führer even suggested that Nazism might never have triumphed in Germany had he not given up smoking. " Robert N Proctor. Department of History, Pennsylvania State University

HITLER SAID: "I made the acquaintance in Bayreuth of a business man ... There was a notice on his door: 'Smokers not admitted.' For my part, I have no notice on my door, but smokers are not admitted." from Hitler's Table Talks 1941-1944, Edited by H.R. Trevor-Roper



Raucher raus!

The Health Fascists’ agenda: the next "logical step"!


Not being satisfied with achieving a total smoking ban in all public places, including PRIVATELY OWNED pubs, clubs and restaurants in Britain (and now aiming to ban in it private cars) , The Royal College of Physicians have called for a ban on people smoking IN THEIR OWN HOMES, and The Lancet, a British medical journal, has called for the use and possession of tobacco to be made a CRIMINAL OFFENCE. In an editorial (Dec. 2003), it said:
"Tobacco should be made an illegal substance, and its possession a crime. We call on Tony Blair’s Government to ban tobacco."

Presumably smokers and purveyors of tobacco products would then be subject to enforcement surveillance, neighbourhood watch informers, arrests, trials, fines and/or prison sentences. The new age of the Gestapo! Just what society, the courts and the police need. The vindictiveness of the anti-smokers knows no bounds.

But as long as the mad Muslim mullahs and Islamic jihad junkies refrain from smoking, they are welcome in 'tolerant' multicultural Britain.



Pudgey, smug, pompous Labour Health Commissar Sir Liam Donaldson is tireless in his pursuit to control everyone's lives according to what he has decided is good or bad for them - civil rights, freedom of choice and current laws be damned.

As the health fascists have failed thus far to get an outright legal ban on tobacco, Donaldson's latest ploy is to try and force supermarkets to conceal all tobacco products from their customers (naughty children should not be tempted!). This same potato-faced oligarch is equally zealous in conrolling what people eat and drink - not advising them, mind you, but controlling them! And now he intends to plunder the organs of the dead, assuming people's bodies are property of the state unless they intiate an opt-out clause while alive (rather like a concientious objector during periods of military conscription). He constantly claims that Britain is in need of more doctors while officiating over a Government policy that denies jobs to junior doctors, and even sacks the existing ones as redundant .

As Dr Michael Taylor, an out-of-work junior doctor, has said: " I never thought Liam was a fool. He knows exactly what he is doing. He is just evil."
The health warning is that if this arrogant little caesar is allowed to get his meddlesome way, many an English citizen is in danger of becoming apoplectic with rage at his continual Soviet-style interference with individual freedoms of all kinds. Sir Liam Donaldson is what should be banned!

British Medical Association calls for censorship of classic vintage films

"We should be used by now to the self-important berks of the British Medical Association using their annual junket to suggest some aspect of our over-regulated, over-nannied lives in which they feel there is insufficient interference. This year, though, they have excelled themselves, demanding higher certification for films that show anyone smoking. Soon, the films of Bogey and Bacall (the latter of whom is still going strong and looking pretty good at 83) will be top-shelf material, and allowed to be shown only on subscription channels well after the watershed. Let us, though, consider the sheer unmitigated claptrap of this idea. I am addicted to old films, watch little else when I go near a television, and have been so since infancy. People smoke in them all the time. Yet I have never smoked so much as a salmon in my life. Do you, like me, start to feel troubled about what role the medical profession would find for itself if we had a totalitarian state? What did that nice Mr Mengele do for a living, by the way?"

SIMON HEFFER (political columnist of the Daily Telegraph)

The sinful smoker at 83

Finally, the health "experts" produce evidence to back up their claim that 'smoking ages the skin'.

 says life-long smoker and centenarian Beatrice Langley : "I've had my life. I don't see any point in giving up at my age" (Daily Telegraph . 29 Sept. 2007)




Carrie Nation, who smashed up bars to protect the public from Demon Rum

USA 1920 - 1933 The Anti-saloon League and other like-minded guardians of public health got the American Government to pass laws prohibiting manufacture, importing, selling and consuming of alcoholic drinks.

Result: the law proved unenforcible, and a defiant public drank more alcohol than ever before - some of it full of dangerous impurities. In 1925, deaths from alcohol increased from 1,000 to over 4,000. In addition it brought about a surge of gangsters and crime syndicates from which the USA has never fully recovered.




An increase in drinking and a decline in public health, millions breaking the law and the rise of gangsters like Al Capone were products of the 13 years of prohibition.


Joseph Goebbels, who burnt books to protect the public from cultural pollution

GERMANY 1933 Government Minister Joseph Goebbels, with the help of student movements, ceremoniously burned 20,000 books to protect the mental health of German society from ideological pollution by writers that included Ernest Hemingway, Jack London, Albert Einstein, Berthold Brecht, Thomas Mann, and H.G. Wells.

Result: WW2 and Auschwitz. For what good it did, the German writer Heinrich Heine, in 1821, warned: "Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings."

Book burning in Berlin, 1933

cartoon from the Spectator


Josef Stalin, who banned or jailed artists to protect healthy Socialist Realism

SOVIET UNION 1945 - c. 1985 Successive rulers of the USSR, to protect the the Soviet people from moral decadence, proscribed and often imprisoned many Russian artists, composers, and architects, which included Prokofiev, Shostakovich, Chagall, Kandinsky, Pasternak, etc. for evidence of decadent western influence in their work. Also banned was the work of nearly all modern western writers, artists. architects etc. along with foreign films, jazz and rock music, to protect the people. Result: the downfall of the USSR, replaced by social chaos, financial corruption and artistic stagnation.
Unhealthy decadent Russian art

banned to protect the public

(clockwise from top) Chagall, Pasternak, Prokofiev Shostakovich, Kandinsky,


The Monstrous Regiment of smug bossy-boots Women

Victory for the Health Harpies: Deborah Arnott, Director of ASH (Action on Smoking and Health), Patricia Hewitt, Secretary of State for Health, & Caroline Flint, Public Health Minister, have won the day with legislation against smokers

ENGLAND 2006. Lobbied by ASH, an organisation described as ‘depraved, humourless crypto-fascists’ in the SPECTATOR magazine, along with the BMA, the Royal College of Physicians, many New Labour politicians and other militant guardians of public health, the British Parliament has passed legislation to ban smoking in pubs, clubs and restaurants throughout the land . "England is smoke free" they shrieked, forcing establishments where no one has smoked for years, if ever (shops, doctors' surgeries, churches) were forced to put up gloating intrusive signs crowing their triumph "smoking is against the law". They have not yet succeeded in the criminalisation of smokers, but clearly this is their aim, for with every success they have in ostracising and demonising smokers, the more strident and fanatical their demands become (outlaw smoking in private cars - increasing the age of purchase to 18 (as if that will make the slightest difference). "The next logical step..." they say, changing the goal posts with each gain. Day after day they produce more headline-seeking so-called research and spurious guess-work statistics, in an attempt to link every known disease or human affliction to active or passive smoking, using the latter as moral blackmail to persuade tolerant non-smokers to become aggrieved and aggressive anti-smokers. They are not, nor have ever been interested in compromise and have no respect whatever for personal choice, minority rights, or civil liberties (except those of the non-smokers). Like all martinets, they demand 100% control over people’s life styles, insisting, with the arrogance of dictators and police states the world over, that they know what is best for everyone, and will go to any lengths to enforce it.

Likely result: people becoming so fed up with the hectoring of these health industry nazis and government meddling in people’s lives, that those who considered stopping will defiantly keep on smoking, those who have quit may take it up again in protest (viz. angry writer and ex-Labour supporter John Mortimer, QC), and the young - ever rebellious and disdainful of nanny’s lecturing - will be all the more likely to start smoking to give two fingers to bossy scolding authoritarians.

R.I.P. Alexander Walker

Film critic, biographer and anti-smoking fanatic (1930-2003)

From his obituaries:

"His obsessive persecution of smokers and stories about his dashing cigarettes from the lips of offenders and even striking them, were legion." (Times )

"He could annoy and provoke like few others." (Guardian)

"His greatest hatred, however, was for smoking. He railed against it at every opportunity (Telegraph)

Walker died suddenly on 15 July 2003 at the age of 73
Health warning: Anti-smoking fanaticism can cause untimely death
London scenes, 2006

But don’t worry. There’s not a smoker in sight.


Whether acting in the name of racial purity... in the name of Allah... in the name of animal rights... in the name of political correctness... in the name of HEALTH AND SAFETY...and even in the name of peace, carbon footprints and consumer emissions, FANATICS are ENEMIES of a free society; fanaticism is a dangerous threat to sane, tolerant and civilised nations.  

 And alas there are plenty of loony fanatics out there. Here's a recent spam received by this website:

"Smokers are murderers and should all go to prison for a long time."

(signed by some fruitcake called Thomas.)



Smoker's rape punishment


DOUBLE rapist Craig Mills told one of his victims the attack was punishment for smoking in a taxi queue, a court heard. Mills, 34, had been waiting in a taxi queue in Gloucester with one of his victims, a 34 year old woman, when she enraged him by lighting up...he noticed she was smoking - something he disliked.

Sentencing Mills, Judge Jamie Tabot QC said: "These despicable crimes have very little to do with sex, and everything to do with control and domination"

Will the Government now rush through a bill banning smoking in taxi queues?

Anti-smoking rapist Craig Mills

"she enraged him by lighting up"

Fact to ponder on: "Japanese men, who are twice as likely to smoke as American men, not only live longer but, remarkably, have lower rates of lung cancer.

from a report on longevity by Richard Wilkinson, of Sussex University, quoted in the Washington Post


Fact to ponder on: Virtually all continental European countries, where smoking is still common and socially acceptable, enjoy a higher life expectancy than those in the health-obsessed anti-smoking USA or United Kingdom..

(Years of life expectancy at birth: USA 77.14, U.K. 78.16, Spain 79.23, France 79.28. Italy 79.4, Greece 78.89, Germany 78.42, Netherlands 78.74, Belgium 78.29)

from the United Nations Statistical Office, 2003

Fact to ponder on: So-called "Tobacco-related diseases"* are claimed to cost the National Health Service 1.7 billion per annum, whereas the British Government collects over 6 times that much (10.5 billion) revenue from tobacco tax.

statistics from the website of the arch anti-smoking organisation, ASH

* Amazing how the experts can distinguish between respiratory diseases they claim caused by active and passive smoking, and those caused by the poisonous fumes (Carbon Monoxide Nitrogen dioxide Sulphur dioxide. Benzene Formaldehyde etc.) regularly emitted by millions of vehicles night and day.


"A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?" Oscar Wilde
Lady Bracknell: ... Do you smoke?

Jack: Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.

Lady Bracknell: I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind.

from The Importance of being Ernest

Since Oscar’s imprisonment, society has exchanged one vindictive prejudice for another.





American ad from the 1950s

During the childhoods of anti-smoking fanatics of a certain age, the majority of adults smoked, and smoked wherever and whenever they pleased: on buses, trains, undergrounds, planes, bars and restaurants, in cinemas and hospitals; at work, at war, at parties and conferences - the proverbial 'smoke-filled rooms'. Politicians smoked. Sportsmen smoked. Masses of doctors and nurses smoked. Soldiers and sailors nearly all smoked. Mothers smoked when pregnant, when nursing and during child-raising. There was rarely a private home or a public area anywhere in civilised countries that didn't permit smoking and provide ashtrays.

(but they are still very much alive and kicking... the kicking being aimed, of course, at smokers! In fact, that whole smoke-breathing generation are now living far longer than ever.

"A boom in life expectancy shows the number of centenarians has increased 90-fold since 1911" (Daily Telegraph 29 Sept. 2007)

Try working that one out!



Smoking tobacco in long clay pipes was widespread throughout the land by the end of Queen Elizabeth’s reign.
"Another novelty which appeared in the middle of the (16th) century was destined to change the English social customs down the centuries - the introduction of tobacco. The New World weed, which had fuelled the peace pipes of American Indians for heaven knows how long, was readily taken up by Europeans and by the end of Elizabeth's reign, smoking tobacco in long clay pipes was widespread throughout the land.

In the following centuries, tobacco was to become as associated with the worldwide image of the Englishman as bowler hats, solar topees, tea with milk, and gin and tonics in the tropics; from the snuff boxes of Beau Brummel and the Regency fops to the ubiquitous pipe-sucking of the contemplative Oxbridge don, the unflappable Colonial Governor, and the Chief Inspector of Scotland Yard; from the clubbable milords in velvert smoking jackets discussing world affairs over fat aromatic cigars and vintage port, to the bright young things flashing a silver monogrammed cigarette case - Virginia on the left, Turkish on the right - at cocktail hour in Mayfair...



...from Sherlock Holmes puffing on a curly calabash - as important a prop as his deerstalker or magnifying glass - to Sir Winston chomping his oversized Havana; from Noel Coward in silk dressing gown with a cigarette holder clenched between his teeth to the ordinary bloke in the local (pub) with a pint of bitter and a Woodbine dangling from his lip.

James I



King James I (1566-1625), the first anti-smoking fanatic died at 59

Smoking has been decried from time to time by puritan forces over the centuries, not least by Elizabeth’s successor, the dour Scot, James I, who, in 1604, wrote a fierce diatribe against tobacco, but nothing has had the success of the sustained attack of recent years. If, after the best part of four hundred years, tobacco is finally banished from the island of Britain, as seems possible by the ferocity of the modern anti-smoking lobby, future school children may one day read of the existence of snuff, cigarettes, cigars and pipes as an historical curiosity, along with shillings and pence, inches, feet and yards, pints quarts and gallons, kings and queens, and people once quaintly referred to as ladies and gentlemen. That is assuming, of course, that children will still be able to read."

From A WORLD IN A GRAIN OF SAND by Tom Boyd (pub. Englang 1994)


According to The Royal College of Physicians recent research proves that 96.7% of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are smoking related. "We will not rest until we’ve stamped out the post-coital cigarette" says Dr. I. Spinn of the BMA.

(NB the above statement is a parody - a total fabrication, but not unlike a great many bogus scare statistics being peddled by the medical nico-nazis and taken seriously, and unchallenged by the media . Surely it’s only a matter of time before they actually do try to link smoking with STDs of every variety. Here’s a humdinger of a big whopper from the website of ASH USA: ‘Drifting tobacco smoke already kills more people than motor vehicle accidents, all crimes, AIDS, illegal drugs, etc.  In other words, you are statistically more likely to be killed by your neighbor's tobacco smoke than by his car, his gun, or his AIDS virus’.

That’s already beyond parody.


Could "secondary smoke" from the millions of Iraqi cigarettes have been Saddam's WMD?

Ask the CIA and MI6.  



Recent claims by "health experts"


(23 sept. 05) "Smoking only one cigarette trebles your chances of having a heart attack"

(front page of the Daily Telegraph, 25 May, 06) "Just one cigarette and you are hooked."

(Daily Telegraph, 9 June, 06) "Forefathers’ smoking may be behind today’s tubby children. Prof. Pembrey found that men who smoked when young had sons who were fatter than averge by the age of nine "

 Just try, please, to imagine any conceivable scientific basis for the above risible snippets of propaganda. These are the latest, but you can bet they won't be the last. Watch this space!


(Daily Telegraph 18 Sept.07) "Smokers acne " - Italian "experts" claim 42% of smoking women between 25 and 50 have NIA (non-inflammatory acne) "considered as a new smoking-related illness" (from a sample of 1,000 Italian women).

(Daily Telegraph Oct.07) Smoking related to cot deaths.


OMG! "Pregnant Kerry admits to smoking"

The Daily Telegraph ( 6 Nov. 07) reports "Kerry Katona, the former Atomic Kitten singer, has admitted that she smokes one cigarette every day despite being four months pregnant".


The same issue of the DT reports research that shows pregnant women who have a drink will bear "naughty children" as a result.

God bless the statistical 'experts' who daily warn us of life's infinite dangers.


After a couple of centuries of medical wisdom claiming that "self-abuse" caused blindness, we are now told that that was Victorian nonsense - today it is, of course, smoking that causes blindness. Old theory - new vice. We should believe this because it comes from "research" and "experts" as reported in the media, which is , of course, always reliable and truthful, as we all know. What's next? Fill in the blank as your prejudice dictates:


(suggested modern choices: bird flu, racism, sexism, global warming and carbon footprints, Attention Deficit Disorder, homophobia, ethnic cleansing, terrorism, foot and mouth disease, mad cow disease, deafness, blindness, autism, dyslexia, anorexia, obesity, bulimia, blue tongue disease, binge drinking, MSRA, road rage, tennis elbow...)

cartoon from the Spectator


Cigarettes were the prime pleasure of the Allied fighting forces through two world wars


Quarters kids us it's the rations,

And the dinners as we gets.

But I knows what keeps us smilin'

It's the Woodbine Cigarettes



Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) died age 91

Wouldn’t you love to hear what Churchill might have thundered, if some officious health twerp told him "England is a smoke-free zone, Sir Winston - thank you for not smoking " ? A smoke-free zone is something up with which the greatest Briton would not put!

 Ronald Reagan (1911-2004) died age 93

40th President of the United States 1981-1989


But hey, look guys, today we’ve moved on to NON-SMOKING leaders:

By God there's progress for you!


British artist David Hockney (1937 - ) says: "New Labour is inherently bossy. Smoking is my affair, not the Blairs. It has nothing to do with them. When I went to Clarence House [for a dinner hosted by the Prince of Wales] I did ask if I could smoke and they said 'yes' and they brought an ashtray at the end of the meal and I lit up. I read in the paper that the Queen allows smoking at lunch and I thought, 'Well, of course the Queen wouldn't be telling people not to smoke. She's far too polite.' I couldn't go to another New York party where they're all drinking water and on Prozac and telling you off for smoking. I will defend my way of life. If someone tells me they think it's a filthy habit I'll tell them, 'Well, I think you're a prig, actually. You may have some filthy habits - I don't really care what they are - but I think you're a prig.' And that's it. It's settled." (from an interview)


American novelist Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007 ) said, some years ago: "Now I'm thinking about suing the makers of Pall Mall. On the package they promise to kill me and they still haven't done it.'' (from an interview) UPDATE: Kurt Vonnegut died April, 2007 at age 85. Pall Mall were a long time a-comin' to honour the promise on the package.



MARK TWAIN (Samuel Clemens) 1835 - 1910

comments on longevity on his 70th birthday:

"I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. I have no other restriction as regards smoking. As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my practice never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake. It is a good practice. I mean, for me, but some of you know quite well that it wouldn't answer for everybody that's trying to get to be seventy...Today it is all of sixty years that I began to smoke the limit. If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go."


The British Government imposes the highest tobacco tax in the world.

The anti-smoking brigade want it increased.

So do Euroland countries and professional smugglers. They’ve never had it so good.

WINNERS: The higher the British taxes go, the more the European countries profit from British smokers who go abroad and quite sensibly and legally stock up on a 6 months’ or a year’s supply of cigarettes or cigars for their own use. These countries (principally Belgium, France, Luxembourg, Italy and Spain), who sell tobacco products at half or one third of the price in Britain, get ALL the profits from sales plus the revenue from their own taxes. The winners are cross-Channel ferries, Eurostar and the tunnel, foreign governments, foreign tobacconists, the cigarette manufacturers, professional smugglers, people who live in the south of England, with easy access to the Continent, and the affluent middle classes, who have cars and the means to go abroad at will, and can afford the capital outlay to stock up. The amount saved by buying tobacco abroad far outweighs the travel costs.
(cartoon in the Spectator)

LOSERS: The British Government, which loses every penny of tax revenue from foreign sales and/or smuggled goods, British retailers who sell legal tobacco products at the world’s highest rate of duty, people who live in the north of England or Scotland where distances make it difficult to get to the Continent, and the poor who are made to pay a huge and disproportionate amount of their income or benefits on the world’s most expensive tobacco products and who can't afford to travel or haven’t the ready cash to pay upfront for cigarettes in quantity.

How H.M. Government can stop cross-channel cigarette sales and smuggling in 5 minutes
The Government is mightily concerned about cigarette smuggling as well as legal import of tobacco products from the Continent. According to chief medical officer Sir Liam Donaldson (one of the most strident of the "ban smoking" brigade), 25% of cigarettes smoked in England and 75% of roll ups avoid UK tobacco taxes, which causes the treasury a loss of revenue amounting to about £3 billion a year. Health fascist Donaldson calls for the British Government to [illegally] impose a limit of two cartons of cigarettes on anyone entering the UK from "our trading partners" in Europe, thus contravening the basic laws and one-market spirit of the European Union. The lawful remedy is, of course, very simple and obvious. At a stroke, the Chancellor could lower the excessive and punitive UK tobacco tax to match the tax in Continental countries, thus making cigarette runs and smuggling pointless and unprofitable for the British smoker and smuggler.
Will the Chancellor ever do it?

Only when the porcine community becomes airborne.


Warning: smoking can cause genius


Isambard Kingdom Brunel (1806-1859) Voted 2nd greatest Briton for building Britain's railway system.

Today he wouldn't be allowed on a British train with his ever-present cigar.


Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980_

d. age 81

Health harpies are for the birds. They should all take showers at the Bates Motel.


Bette Davis (1908-1989)

d. age 81

On the American anti-smoking movement:

"I Resent It More than I Can Tell You! I Do Not Wish To Be Told What To Do! I wish to have my own life. All this whole thing has to do with people who gave up smoking and can't stand it! I think it's a big farce myself. And I think it's our own business what we do. Who has the right to say 'You can't smoke'? Makes me smoke more!"

(from an interview with BD at age 80)

Marlene Dietrich (1901-1992)

d. age 91

Alas, the health harpies weren't around then to warn this smoker that smoking "damages sex appeal and prematurely ages skin by between 10 and 20 years,and increases the likelihood of facial wrinkling by 3 times)."

If the health harpies looked half as good as Marlene did in her 60s, somebody might believe them .

Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

d. age 76

American Health Harpy Dr Kimberley Yolton claims her research shows that smoke exposure causes ‘a decline in reading, maths and reasoning abilitry’. No wonder pipe-sucking Albert was so deficient in those areas - relatively speaking.

Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)

d. age 92

Alas, French doctors failed to warn Pablo, or his wives, his myriad of mistresses or the ladies of the brothels that he frequented until the age of 84 that "smoking causes male sexual impotence." American and British doctors could have put him straight.

JRR Tolkien (1892-1973)

d. age 81

A lifetime smoker. He could never kick the hobbit

George Burns (1896-1996)

d. age 100

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said

" No....he’s dead".

Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

d. age 87

Groucho said "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies".

That’s New Labour to a tee

John F Kennedy (1917-1963)

d. age 46

Smoking is a lot safer than an open car in Dallas!


All dead! Goes to show smoking kills!